We Are Evolving, But Backwards.

As of late, it seems as though humanity’s intellect has reached an all-time low. Who could have imagined an innocent Ice Bucket Challenge could devolve into stealing from schools for internet fame? How did the Mannequin Challenge lead to the consuming of Tide Pods? In recent years, trends have grown increasingly lethal; the aptly named “Choking Challenge” being among them, as well as the “Fire Challenge”, where the most brilliant among us douse themselves in flammable liquids and proceed to set themselves aflame.

“I have no issue with them except for the devious lick one. If people are willing to put their health at risk for things like the milk crate challenge, then that’s entirely up to them. However, when we begin to harm others, that’s when there’s a problem,” says Connor Doroff.

Luc Morris offers a great insight onto these newfound trends: “These challenges, especially the ‘diabolical licks’ challenge, serve only to send humanity into a prosperous decent towards eternal damnation.”

“I feel as if the courteous power of the wind and the generous, flowing essence of the river will enable me to complete these tasks and fulfill the prophesy of the Great Tic Toc King of the Bathroom Soap Dispensers throughout the humble days of the journey ahead of me. I would never do the challenges though,” explains Kenneth Kirwin. While I am not quite sure what this means, I believe there might be hidden enlightenment in these words.

Through my survey, I despaired by many of the responses in support of these harmful behaviors. More than ten percent of the responses claimed they had attempted these challenges and, furthermore, over ten percent of the fifty respondents say they would try them as well.

“They’re great and they’re superior entertainment.”

“Don’t care.”

“I think they would be fun but I don’t know if I would try them.”

“Feels dangerous and exciting.”

Have we truly fallen so far?

Quite recently the “Smack a Staff Member” challenge has arisen, prompting students to strike their teachers and other members of their school faculty. While our sheer brilliance is truly on display, I highly recommend those considering it to not attempt this.