Crumbl: Long Time No See


Sierra Nanez, Staff Writer

It’s been too long since the last cookie story I know, I know. Senioritis hits hard. What do you want from me people! I know what I want. Spirit days and late starts everyday wouldn’t that be nice? But I guess we’re just gonna have to stick out these last few weeks. If you have a say in spirit days, please give us more. It was a very long week though and the people want their cookie story so let’s get into it. Share with friends, or don’t, one-pieces were made for that reason! 


In Fifth, Texas Sheet Cake (top fat right). It was a warm, cakey chocolate cookie with fudge glaze and roasted pecans. THIS WAS A NEW COOKIE, and sheet was it bad. Dry chocolate mess. If you like stale hard Safeway donuts, this is the cookie for you. If not, absolutely do not spend money on this. It was like eating cake from the 50s. Mr Yunts 1st birthday cake is what this cookie was made of. 100000/10 do not recommend, let’s move on.


For Fourth, Sea Salt Toffee (bottom far right). This was a cookie infusion of toffee and milk chocolate chips, topped with a dash of sea salt. If a rock was a cookie this was it. Not as bad as little miss Texas but definitely not good. I was actually excited for this one and it crushed my expectations. If you’re over 45 this will break your teeth. I don’t recommend this cookie for one second. Crumbl, do better.


Finally to top three, Lemon Poppyseed (top middle). This was a zesty lemon cookie packed with poppyseeds stuffed with lemon filling and topped with lemon almond glaze. This is a repeat cookie. It never amazes me but never strikes me as bad. Of course Mr. Yunt took a majority of the cookie. If you’re like him you’ll stuff your face with this cookie. Personally I don’t see that great of an appeal. 


Down to number two, Raspberry Cheesecake (bottom far left). This was a buttery graham cracker cookie topped with cheesecake frosting and raspberry jam. This was yet another repeat cookie but of course it made it to top two. Crumbl, if you’ve run out of ideas just say that. Cheesecake anything will always be good so at least they got that right. As you can see this cookie fell victim to Matilda’s driving. The way 144th gets packed, you gotta be an aggressive driver to make it on time. Other than that it’ll always be a good cookie but they’re playing it safe. I’ll call this the semi redeemer of Sea Salt and Texas. 


Finally, we’ve reached number one. I know you’re begging for something good, and I promise you it is. Monster (bottom middle). This was a peanut butter, chocolate candy, chocolate chunk, brown sugar, and oatmeal cookie all in one. I mean monster is the name and that’s what this is. It absolutely demolished its weak competitors, not that they were much of a threat. Truthfully I had no hopes but this turned out dang good. Heck yes I recommend this cookie. It saved my faith in Crumbl and I’m glad. If Matilda is gonna spend $30 on a box like this, she deserves something good. 


All I can say for last week is that it disappointed. If they wanna call this the “hello spring” lineup, then goodbye. If this is a reflection of how my spring is gonna be, I’m not here for it. I’m going back into hibernation because this is not what I asked for. I think we deserve compensated for this scam. Hopefully April brings good things.