Is Mr. Morris Real?


Have You Seen This Man?

Nora Smith, Staff Writer

“His glasses… They are always watching.”

Many of us have come to wonder: Was our freshman biology teacher real? I, like most others, have suspicions that he is either an incorporeal being from a separate plane of existence or an Extra Terrestrial from a distant planet. I, a fearless reporter, have risked my life to find and utilize this information to warn incoming students of his true nature.

As a senior, I have witnessed it all; from Latin’s catapult competitions to the catching of a rare glimpse of Mr. Morris in the halls. However, the question as to if he is corporeal or merely my imagination has gnawed at me since I was a freshman.

“Being honest, Mr. Morris reminds me of Australia.” Jose “Rafael” Gonzales told me, distressed. “And, as we all know, Australia is a fictional location. Thus, using the transitive property, if Mr. Morris is Australian, and Australia isn’t real, then Mr. Morris is not real.”

While this is a very convincing argument, I doubt he is Australian.

Luc Morris, a senior who never had Mr. Morris as a teacher, said, “They want you to think that he is an alien so that you might let your guard down and believe in treachery other than their own. It’s through artificial programs such as Mr. Morris that the government spies on us just like they do through birds, which are objectively considered drones at this point.”

Inquiring many of my fellow students, I came to discoveries that replicated my undeniable terror:

“He’s too nice, but has detention in his room. Doesn’t add up!” exclaimed Julia Hoffman.

“He’s basically bald but that is not a style choice, it provides a good area for him to send and receive signals from android HQ,” stated Skylar Eymann. “The glasses are clearly so that he can scan human life and process his next move.”

Many have deduced that Mr. Morris is undeniably fake. Even today, when I caught a rare sighting of him, he was moving as though he was a machine. Most have even said that he had mentioned requiring “fuel”, but is never seen eating. Does this elude to the idea that he is, in fact, a robot? However, there is much evidence against him to prove that he is a construct of the government.

Whatever the case, make certain you are careful in his presence. He may be sending signals to alien planets, or to the government. Being a sleuth in nature, I have discovered his secrets and now know that he is a dangerous individual.