Fat Man Review- Jurassic Sized Problem

Fat Man Review- Jurassic Sized Problem

Hello and welcome back to another Fat Man Review on our quest to find secret monstrosities from the big fast food locations. And before we get into this one I just have to say this will be the last Fat Man Review- The Quest for Heart Clog. The reason is…

I did it, I finally found the one item that beat me. An item actually made me so sick I puked purely because of the sheer size/ volume alone.

The Wendy’s TRex burger is a “normal” Triple patty Cheeseburger deluxe with not three, four, or even five extra patties but six, yes six extra patties. Bringing the total amount of cheeseburger patties to nine. 

And I know that may not sound too much worse than the McDonald’s Monster Mac that had eight total patties-but what many of you don’t realize, because Wendy’s is for some reason criminality underrated, is that the Wendy’s patties are two times the size of their Golden Arched competitors.

I originally overlooked this fact, as the Monster Mac was easy enough to eat because all I had to do is press the burger down and I could make it so I could take an actual bite, this was nowhere near the case for the TRex.

Now usually when I order some weird food item for one of these challenges I get one of two responses, the first being that of confusion thinking this is just some idiot ordering something weird, or the other response is just that of total indifference like that of the meat mountain.

However, for the TRex burger, I got a different reaction. As I pull up to the drive-thru box to order, the worker at first greets me with the usual customer service voice I greet her and I ask for the TRex burger, she asks me to repeat myself three times and then proceeds to drop the customer service voice and tells me to pull up to the window.

She states she knows what I am talking about but is making it an absolute certainty that I really want to order that. The worker, who is the owner, states that she’s had the store for eight years and never in her entire tenure at the joint has she seen someone order it. At this point, a few other workers gathered around the window to see what the commotion was, and unlike the Meat Mountain at Arby’s, there was no input for this behemoth. By the time we had settled how to input the price and I pay she yelled to her kitchen and said “I need a triple deluxe with nine patties all together”.

As I am pulled around and parked waiting for my “meal” I see at least ten workers all following the owner out to see who on Earth could order this thing.

The TRex burger was so massive that it took four of the jumbo wraps to encase that thing as well, get this, Wendy’s family-sized nugget bucket that is bigger than a football and even then it was still poking out of the top. I didn’t realize the mess I’d gotten myself into until I was at home and it was time to eat it.

The first impression of this thing was that of pure fear and I knew I was in deep trouble. The only thing they add other than the few topping that came with the original Triple Deluxe was about a small child’s cup full of cheese, and the worst part was that it was so hot that I couldn’t even tell if it was just melted cheese or crappy nacho cheese that is legit meant to give diabetes.

I first tried to press it down like I did with the Monster Mac but I’ve come to find out that the Wendy’s workers already did that for me so it was already as compressed as it could be. The burger was so massive that to get to the equivalent of one bite I had to take three, one attacking the top, bottom, then the middle. I was doing alright because I love Wendy’s burgers so I was just able to power through, until about five minutes into eating the thing and I wasn’t even halfway through, at this point all of the bread, lettuce, tomatoes, and any other topping was gone leaving meat and cheese left.

Every bite was getting tougher than the last, but I kept on pushing as I knew I couldn’t give up. About ten minutes in I had a little over a third of the thing still standing and I could tell my pace was slowing down due to me having to take thirty-second breaks between bites.

By the time I had only a quarter left I was feeling sick, every ounce of my being was telling me to stop. But like the exact opposite of one of those inspirational moments where people push the limits of their minds, I could feel myself getting heavier and heavier. Until I had the last bite in hand, just wanting to get it over with as I was completely sick at this point I tried to stomach the last huge bite which backfired terribly.

All in all, I always thought the TRex burger would be no match for a big guy the likes of me but I was wrong. And there is a seven-minute double-speed time-lapse that proves.

Just by doing a quick little visual test, you can see that an average Wendy’s patty is roughly twice the size of Micky D’s, along with the fact that Wendy’s meat is actual beef and not just cardboard only compounded this great trail, which is probably what sent me over the edge. After the whole ordeal, I had to lay down and allow my body to recover.

This whole experience was terrible and I would even hope this upon my worst enemy, making it a fit last installment of Fat Man Review.


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About the Contributor
Angelo ODorisio
Angelo ODorisio, Staff Writer
My name is Angelo O'Dorisio and I chose to because Mr. Yunt was such an amazing teacher for journalism and because it sounded fun. For Holy Family I play guard in football and I wrestled, but outside the school I play house club hockey.

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