Hey, you. You’re finally awake.

The journal of a journalist…

January 4, 2021 2022:

I keep labeling papers with “2021”, I think there’s something wrong with me.

Despairingly, many seem to be of the risen dead; with deep bags beneath the eyes, I feel troubled for the lack of evident sleep in my peers. Thenceforth, I strive to ignite their interest, by asking them deeply meaningful questions, such as “Have you any New Year’s resolutions?” and, “Have you obtained anything of value for Christmas?” It seems as though our intellect has steadily decreased, for an anonymous response from the former question, was “I went to Hawaii”; I regret to inform this participant, that “I went to Hawaii”, is not something you have obtained. You most certainly did not find Hawaii beneath your Christmas tree, comrade. So, too, did a student respond with “ur mom” when asked of their New Year’s resolution; this brought about a sense of deep and consuming regret, for I forlornly wondered if I should never have emailed such meticulously crafted questions to our fallen generation.

However, upon my arduous search for answers as to how the typical 21st century teenager spends their time, I came upon a quite curious response, when asked about their newfound hobbies: “To leap around 4 times a day and eat 10 servings of kumquats.” This left me thoroughly perplexed, and I sought further answers. Upon asking the student, “Why kumquats?”, they responded, “Why not?” Therefore, with such a powerful argument, I was rendered speechless; I conceded before this evidently superior debater.\

I curiously wondered what my fellow students considered their favorite winter holidays; my disappointment was immense as I received a response, which said, “I didn’t know there was more than one in America.” It seems as though this student was unaware of Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Hanukkah, and obviously the most important, Yule. Who does not celebrate gaily the ancient Germanic holiday, which reveres the Anglo-Saxon god, Mōdraniht.

Painfully, when asked what they had received for Christmas, the same, agonizingly repetitive student, whom I had mentioned prior, said, “ur mom”; a single teardrop rolled from my eye, as I stared upon this godforsaken response.

Therefore, with my deep and contemplative nature, I thought excessively upon these responses. Were there alternate meanings? Are these, in actuality, thought-provoking? Who is to know the true motivations behind these people?