Hey y’all before I get into this, I would like to take this time to deeply apologize for a previous comment I made on a previous Fat Man Review. I realized only after the terrible mistake I made and although I wished no one would notice it is time to face the music, I am from the deepest cavity of my heart sorry that I said that Halloween is the best fat man holiday of the year.
The REAL unrivaled fat man holiday is one that is by far the most disrespected.
This holiday has legit everything you could possibly ask for in a holiday. It has entertainment, is centered around food, a ritualistic blood bath that is considered “just a little competition”, and has a rich history.
And the crazy part is that it doesn’t really get a season/build hype that surrounds the other juggernauts. No endless Moriah Carrey, no Easter Bunny, no nothing baring a wild chicken as a mascot.
Of course, I am talking about Turkey Day itself Thanksgiving.
This holiday is the main fat person holiday that is always overlooked. Thanksgiving being stuck near the end of November, will always have to contend with the best holiday ever, Christmas, along with being right after a season/holiday that I am personally not as high on as say a goth chick.
This unfortunate timing definitely affects the popularity of this great event, but even with the odds already stacked against them, Thanksgiving manages to give us everything we could possibly ask for coming from a holiday that doesn’t get a season.
To start out Thanksgiving has some time-honored traditions.
The first is the yearly presidential turkey pardon where one lucky steroid chicken gets to live one more year cause our current president chooses one at random the rest will be stuffed and basted. You also have the best parade that the mom’s will wake you up at 7 to start watching the St. Macy Day parade which is usually a fun way to start the day.
The next tradition is one that I always find to be a treat, the good old family dinner. Coming from a pretty big Italian family I found these a huge treat. As instead of the smaller weekly family dinner of almost 30 we get the entire family of my mom’s side which numbers at about 50.
The reason why I love this tradition leads to another example of why Thanksgiving is the king of Fat Man holidays, entertainment.
The ability to see all of the cousins and uncles interact, usually not all in the right frame of mind, is by itself enough to keep a man happy for a long time. A question you might be asking is if this is the blood bath I referred to earlier, and the answer to that is a hard no. The true blood bath that is both a time-honored tradition and a form of major entertainment is the family football game.
After the pleasantries and, after the Lions got done winning for once (probably because the Packers suck), but before the Cowboys get done beating another terrible team, vastly boosting their ego comes the most brutal 40-60 minutes one will go through in their entire lives. The family football game. The teams are usually split up into having the adults and the young kids vs the teenagers which is always a recipe for disaster. At least once a year there will be one of the adults getting a bit too aggressive and absolutely booming one of the smaller pre-teen kids sending them into a crying fit and causing the moms to come in and finally break it up, claiming its time to eat.
And now, comes the whole reason this beloved holiday exists, the all-hallowed dinner. This meal’s cast is the catalyst for all big feasts fit for kings. Thanksgiving’s roster is more loaded than the 2022 Colorado Avalanche or the 1997-98 Denver Broncos. Anywhere you would look you would see a hall-of-fame dish.
You have the ol’reliable Mashed Potatoes which is an undisputed top three side dish next to the salad and chips. Next you have the green bean casserole that, although may not look appealing, tastes like the feeling you get when you realize you never have to eat the Monster Mac ever again, pure joy and comfort.
Next up is Grandma’s stuffing, which unlike the rest of these foods Thanksgiving is the only year 
that it makes an appearance. Which is a crime against humanity as the stuffing alone is enough to make me go up an entire weight class.
Now there are a couple more side dishes that some have and I personally really love but they aren’t a staple when it comes to the day of the giving thanks. These honorable mentions include the stuffed shells, macaroni, and amazing glazed ham.
The sides alone blow any other holiday menu out of here. We still have even touched on a top-tier desert in all brackets. If there was a draft of all deserts I am taking pumpkin pie in the top three, and I beg someone to come at me on this. I will full-on bare knuckles fight you if you challenge me on this. Mr. Yunt said I had to clarify that I was joking. (I’m not, just give me a time and place.)
After going through all of that we still haven’t even gotten to the main. Turkey is a legit superfood that if cooked correctly, is the juiciest slab of meat that tastes like absolute heaven.
So with all of these reasons in mind let’s come together this year, and think as you’re putting your Christmas tree up in early November. Stop and give Thanksgiving the respect it rightfully deserves.
